Jitters

For four years, I played organ at good ol' St. Mel's in Cleveland OH, mainly as accompanist to the adult and children's choir. Our “season” ran basically with the school year: from Labor Day through Memorial Day. Every week I played a limited liturgical repertoire spiced with simple Bach and Handel chorales and whatnot, always on the same instrument, always with the same choir, largely for the same people.

And every week I got nervous as hell.

I'm amazed to think back to that now and realize, I can honestly never remember a single occasion when I did not get nervous. One would have thought that after a while, it becomes second nature, you really don't think about all the people who are hearing you play, and you don't get nervous, but I always did.

When we played the Flying Monkey last semester, I was nervous, but not in a terrible sort of way. I was mainly just worried about how the performance would go, since the band hadn't played together but one of the previous four weeks. For some reason, though, with tomorrow night's concert looming, I am pretty nervous. This is despite the fact that both of the bands I'm playing in have practiced together every week for the last five, and that I have also practiced hard and finally mastered all my sections. I should be less nervous, but I'm actually more so.

I think a lot of it has to do with the venue, which this time is an actual hall, where everybody will be able to see and hear me clearly. All I can do now is put it out of my mind, concentrate on not letting the cold or flu bug I'm fighting win out, and then play like I know I can play.

Not a very helpful entry, I know, but hopefully insightful to some of you performing jazz musicians out there. Break a leg!