How jazz is affected by an "economic stimulus"

(The following is adapted from an email that's been making the rounds for a year or two now...)

Before I tell you how jazz will be affected by the "economic stimulus", it would be helpful to define, exactly, what an "economic stimulus" is. To do that, we have a simple discussion in Q&A format:

Q. What is an 'economic stimulus' payment?
A. It is money that the federal government will send to taxpayers.
Q. Where will the government get this money?
A. From taxpayers.
Q. So the government is giving us back our own money?
A. Only a little of it.
Q. What is the purpose of this payment?
A. The plan is for you to use the money to purchase a high-definition TV set to stimulate the economy.
Q. Won't that only stimulate China's economy?
A. Shut up.

In order to help the U.S. economy with the economic stimulus, remember, if you use your economic stimulus to:
-Buy something at Wal-Mart, the money will go to China or Sri Lanka.
-Buy gasoline, your money will go to the Arabs or Hugo Chavez.
-Buy a computer, it will go to India or China.
-Buy an appliance, it will go to South Korea.
-Buy fruit and vegetables, it will go to Mexico, Honduras, and Guatemala.
-Buy an efficient car, it will go to Japan or Korea.
-Buy anything at Dollar General, it will go to Taiwan.
-Pay your credit card debt or buy stock, your money will go to "management bonuses" and "management" will hide the money offshore (probably in Belize).

So, what can the average American do to keep the "economic stimulus" money in America? Simple:
1) Spend it at yard sales, or
2) Go to jazz clubs, or
3) Spend it on prostitutes, or
4) Beer, or
5) Tattoos

These are the only American businesses still operating in the U.S.

Conclusion: Go to a jazz club with a tattooed prostitute that you met at a yard sale and drink beer all day!

Your fellow Americans appreciate your patriotism!