Why I Still Don’t Own an Acoustic Piano, Part Four

Or, Wading Through the Piano Ad Jargon, Part Two

See yesterday’s post for a brief explanation of today’s post.

Seller says = Actual meaning

Highly desirable model = it’s not as irritating as measles

Rare = I've been to every storage unit auction in the tri-county area and I've never seen one of these

This piano just needs a good home = it needs to be somewhere other than this house

Very well cared for = we've never set it on fire and we cleaned most of the rat droppings out of it

Reconditioned = it was broke, but we kind of fixed it

Refurbished = it was broke, but we paid some guy to kind of fix it

Restored = it was broke, but we paid some guy to cobble together some piano parts and make it look like it was fixed

All original = we were too lazy to recondition, refurbish, or restore it

Ivory

Real ivory keys = I wouldn't know ivory if I got stabbed by an elephant tusk

Original ivory keys = you can see the wood on some of the keys because the plastic stuff peeled off

Not ivory (although, these have broken off in the fashion of real ivory, so, maybe...)

The piano plays perfect = some of the keys move and when they do, there’s noise

Comes with a bench = we've got to get rid of that hunk a junk, too

Inspected by an expert and appraised for (some ridiculous number) = Uncle Bernie saw something resembling a piano on the Internet once selling for (some ridiculous number)

Sacrifice for (some equally ridiculous number) = I need (some equally ridiculous number) to buy a new ATV and some socks

Serious inquiries only = Okay, I'll take $5000 less than (some equally ridiculous number)

Like I said yesterday, it took me a long time to figure out a lot of this jargon, and that’s why I still don’t own an acoustic piano. (End part four)

A brief interlude and plug for Craigslist

I don’t know how many of you have ever bought or sold anything on craigslist, and I don’t own stock in it or it’s would-be majority owner (e-bay), but I’ve got to tell you: craigslist is da bomb!

Since making a conscientious decision to declutter my entire life of unnecessary people, things, theories, beliefs, and habits, I’ve been pulling stuff out of the closets, attic and garage of our home, most of which I was only vaguely aware of us owning, and much of which I hadn’t seen, touched or thought about in years. A sampling: First 8 volumes of OMNI magazine; volumes 2-6 of WIRED magazine; ninety pounds of weight plates; a Black&Decker Edge Hog; magazines for learning Japanese; about 200 vinyl LP’s; A microphone (?); two artificial Christmas trees.

There’s more, but all that stuff I mention above? I’ve actually found people who would buy from me. Part of it is, my prices are usually very, very reasonable. Part of it is, there are actually people who want/need this stuff. The Japanese magazines? Lady’s daughter is studying Japanese. Edge Hog? Guy had one for years and it broke. Mine needed a new blade, but he had an extra one, anyway! The records? Guy with 4000 records wanted more and I had some he didn’t. OMNI magazines? Big sci-fi, William Gibson fan. (He ended up getting the leftover WIRED’s after I sold half my collection to a guy in Arizona.)

I’ve sold most of my philosophy books through amazon. I sold my two nudie books of Brooke Shields and Madonna on e-bay. I’ve made right around $400 in just the last month, selling what is to me, junk. And you should see my garage! I can actually get in and out of all the storage areas.

Check out craigslist.org today. And while you’re there, buy some of my stuff!